Loss and I recently handled it....

The last year of my families life has been a little overwhelming. 
My husband and I lived on a farm that we called our piece of Heaven.  But in June of last year (2010) my husbands mother needed us to move in with her to keep her house.  So, we left our piece of Heaven and moved in with my mother in law.  We spent several months trying to adjust to all of living under on roof.  We had our ups and downs, what I found out really fast is how difficult this was going to be.  My husband, Adam, also has a step-sister that is much younger, she was 17 when we moved in.  In early February we lost her.  She was healthy as horse never went to the doctor and she died very suddenly of and abysses that ruptured and sepsis through her body.  It was so sudden and I will never forget that night as Adam, Clint (his brother) and I sat behind the ambulance on the side of the road trying to revive her.  It was devastating.  It has been seven months, but there are so many first to go through. I just can't imagine how Mary must of felt watching Jesus as He was tortured and put on the cross.  I think she must have felt that her heart was being torn out of her.
In May of this year we had to move again, due to family issues and the house having a mortgage that was not paid off and her soon to be ex-husband reeking havoc on us.  So we moved and about week after we did so my body just started going crazy on me.  The stress of the last year had taken effect on me, because I was keeping it all in.  Basically what I had done to myself for years when I was being abused. I was diagnosed with stress, severe-anxiety and of course, depression. I literally did not take off my baseball hat for a month. I had severe tension headaches and it was the only way my head would not hurt.  I took all this on myself, when I know I could have and should have given all to God and kept it there.  But my really big problem is that I give it to Him and then take it back because I feel like I can control it.  What a joke!!  He is the Master of the universe, king of all kings and little ole' Sheli thinks she can do better than Him...NO. 
My feelings of having to have control, has caused me to feel horrible for an entire summer.  What I do know is that when you have prayer Warriors...they are praying you through.  That is so refreshing to know.  A lot of the time this summer I would tell Adam that I felt like Job, but no matter what was thrown at me, at our family I would NOT renounce the Lord.  What He brings us to, He WILL see us through!

This song was so appropriate for what I needed reminded of and one of my favorite.  I picked the You Tube version of 9/11, as that date is fast approaching!
A verse I saw on a frame at my mom's today..."The Lord shall renew their strength: they shall mount up with wings as eagles."  Isaiah 40:31...I know that God is going to renew my strength and I am ready to fly!  God Bless and Blessings to you!